I was a pretty normal kid. I listened to my teachers, I listened to my T.V. and I sometimes listened at church. I never showed any particular giftedness in grade school or high school, I maintained A’s and B’s with an occasional C and focused mainly on the more social aspects of school. During the first few years of high school I set myself on the business track, interested in learning “business” because in my mind that equated to a particular look and lifestyle. The subject matter however was of less interest to me, economics, accounting, business law… these were courses I needed to go through to become a business person yet, I never studied to learn, only to pass. In doing this I was never challenged or very challenging. I accepted the status quo, trusting people with power to make decision and trusting their decisions were the right ones. With the big questions and decisions off my mind, I was left to wrestle simpler matters like, how to portray significance among my peers.
I was a cheerleader from the time I was 12 until I was 17 and graduated high school. During the last two years of high school I was captain of the cheerleading squad and my senior year, pep club president. I spent many a Friday nights chanting “We are awesome, we are mean, we’re the mighty Shell machine!” School spirit was my deepest conviction.
After high school I attended college and graduated in a short 3 years from a university not far away from my home town (University’s slogan: Home away from home, close to home.) I graduated with a bachelor’s in Business Administration, a.k.a., I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but making runs to Starbucks in black heels and a fancy suit on my way to an important meeting was an image on which I was willing to spend $20,000 trying to create. Much to my surprise, after one year of lattes and meetings, I was ready to do something different with my life; the picture that had once looked so attractive had a very different feeling on the backside of it that I hadn’t expected. Working in a cubical for the world’s 2nd largest retailer wasn’t for me. I packed my bags and my Bible and I headed to a rough neighborhood in Philadelphia to live a drastically different life.
I lived in Philadelphia for three years. Most of my time was spent at a non-profit school that served Cambodian children. I was involved in a number of other non-profit organizations that provided a modest income. I shared a house with 3-5 other people and our space was located in the more neglected parts of the city. I was encouraged by many mentors and friends to engage in my experience and ask questions, always ask questions. In Philadelphia I began to have many veils lifted, uncovering racism, sexism, earth-hate, abuses of power, and much other terrorism. I also experienced much life, love, friendship, family and beauty. It was an awakening of sorts, a growing out of “you’re too young to understand”. I began to re-examine, I began to live my life.
Being a lover of my family, I moved back home to Southern Illinois. I married a comrade from my time in Philadelphia and started a new chapter of life in a slower-paced place. However, it wasn’t long before my new eyes caught sight of the refinery, and I again began to ask questions. How did I grow up next to a refinery and never think twice of its implications? Why am I the only one asking questions?
