The Forming of a Crustacean

I was a pretty normal kid.  I listened to my teachers, I listened to my T.V. and I sometimes listened at church.  I never showed any particular giftedness in grade school or high school, I maintained A’s and B’s with an occasional C and focused mainly on the more social aspects of school.  During the first few years of high school I set myself on the business track, interested in learning “business” because in my mind that equated to a particular look and lifestyle.  The subject matter however was of less interest to me, economics, accounting, business law… these were courses I needed to go through to become a business person yet, I never studied to learn, only to pass.  In doing this I was never challenged or very challenging.  I accepted the status quo, trusting people with power to make decision and trusting their decisions were the right ones.  With the big questions and decisions off my mind, I was left to wrestle simpler matters like, how to portray significance among my peers.

I was a cheerleader from the time I was 12 until I was 17 and graduated high school.  During the last two years of high school I was captain of the cheerleading squad and my senior year, pep club president.  I spent many a Friday nights chanting “We are awesome, we are mean, we’re the mighty Shell machine!”  School spirit was my deepest conviction. 

After high school I attended college and graduated in a short 3 years from a university not far away from my home town (University’s slogan: Home away from home, close to home.)  I graduated with a bachelor’s in Business Administration, a.k.a., I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but making runs to Starbucks in black heels and a fancy suit on my way to an important meeting was an image on which I was willing to spend $20,000 trying to create.  Much to my surprise, after one year of lattes and meetings, I was ready to do something different with my life; the picture that had once looked so attractive had a very different feeling on the backside of it that I hadn’t expected.  Working in a cubical for the world’s 2^nd largest retailer wasn’t for me.  I packed my bags and my Bible and I headed to a rough neighborhood in Philadelphia to live a drastically different life. 

I lived in Philadelphia for three years.  Most of my time was spent at a non-profit school that served Cambodian children.  I was involved in a number of other non-profit organizations that provided a modest income.  I shared a house with 3-5 other people and our space was located in the more neglected parts of the city.  I was encouraged by many mentors and friends to engage in my experience and ask questions, always ask questions.  In Philadelphia I began to have many veils lifted, uncovering racism, sexism, earth-hate, abuses of power, and much other terrorism.  I also experienced much life, love, friendship, family and beauty.  It was an awakening of sorts, a growing out of “you’re too young to understand”.   I began to re-examine, I began to live my life.

Being a lover of my family, I moved back home to Southern Illinois.  I married a comrade from my time in Philadelphia and started a new chapter of life in a slower-paced place.  However, it wasn’t long before my new eyes caught sight of the refinery, and I again began to ask questions.  How did I grow up next to a refinery and never think twice of its implications?  Why am I the only one asking questions?